Amy's 29th Birthday Post

I started this post yesterday, but now I need to say something off topic first.

Grandpa Hoffman just had a stroke a few hours ago. He is still in the emergency room and we don't know much yet. I love Grandpa. He has always been so welcoming and loving. Just last night he gently squeezed my shoulder as he walked past us women chatting. Grandpa has lived a simple life, working hard from sun up to sun down. He is my Grandmother's constant support. I can't imagine how their lives may change from this point on. I love them. Would that this could pass with no lasting disabilities, only an increase of love.

 Today is my birthday. I am 29. And I FEEL older. I do. I've waited for a birthday like this, where I actually feel like I'm 100% adult. I like it. But... just to be prepared... I'm brainstorming for next year. I plan to have a tri-life crisis. If you have any fantastic ideas PLEASE share. Brother Andrew's suggestion so far has my heart. "Join a roller derby team." Can you even imagine? Ryan said he'd love to see me try... I'd probably last about a week. But just think! I'm not sure I remember how to roller skate. But I DO remember how to knock people over with my elbows. Some skills from an awesome childhood never leave you.

About a month ago I pulled my calender out to find this message scribbled on the Sept. 17th square: "Don't schedule anything today or you'll pay." (Ryan has to be gone today for medical reasons... thus the 17th.) Ryan swore it was from Atticus. But, let's be honest, even the professional forger Atticus could not duplicate my husband's scratchy handwriting. I LOVE when Ryan surprises me with things. He has incredibly good taste and mind reading powers. So I knew whatever he was planning had to be good. Perfect really.

And it was:
Drop the kids off at Jaime's (Thank you helping us and being so kind to our children!)
An hour long massage (First in my life. And it will NOT be the last.)
Dinner at Hires Big H (Grilled Lemon Chicken Sandwich, Fries, Rootbeer in a mug... so good.)
Shopping (Ryan's terribly smart to just hand over the cash. He knows I enjoy the hunt almost as much as the treasure itself.)
Austenland

As I snuggled up to Mr. Strong in the movie theater I was, once again, overcome with the feeling that I am enormously blessed. Blessed because he put on good cologne before our date. Blessed because the arm rest could move out of our way. Blessed because Ryan is a very good husband. I don't want to be all up in the rest of all ya'll's faces with this mushy romance of ours. But I have never been even close to this kind of happy. Any impressive moment the rest of the world has seen of Ryan is nothing compared to what he gives his wife daily. I have watched him consistently take care of me first. I know our marriage is wonderful because of Ryan.

 He started our relationship by stealing my braclet and saying he wouldn't give it back until I went on a date with him. How is it that 8 years later his threats are just as endearing? "Don't schedule anything today or you'll pay."

 I tell people I want to be a marriage counselor someday. And I know, even before I begin all my in depth studies on the subject, I will have something to offer because I married Ryan. Everything that works in this relationship starts with his love and selflessness.

Still thinking of Kate.

Kate's burial was beautiful. I was so touched by Ryan's song, Briana's incredible testimony, and Eric's dedicatory prayer. It was quite a privilege to be there. The children were well behaved, considering, and I was mostly able to go slow and feel the moment. After the ceremony had finished, people were taking their time, placing flowers on Kate's little casket and trying in earnest to lift Eric and Briana's weeping hearts.
I stepped back and watched. The love abounding was visible. 

I wandered around the headstones already placed. I read names, dates, and hopeful words of a life to come. So many parents have lost children. It was heartbreaking to try, for just a moment, to feel the hurt, the ache of each mother. To attempt to mourn with so many who have mourned. Who are still mourning.

Just then I looked up and saw my sweet Abigail toddling through the Angel Garden, casually looking, exploring, always turning back to my husband. The world stopped for just a second. I heard nothing.

This sight, taken by Jennifer Grigg, captures my feelings of that moment. I felt for a brief second what it will be like on that morning. The First Resurrection. These cherished babes, rising up, returning to their infant bodies. Looking to their parents out of those same, pure eyes. You can see the reach from Abigail. And Ryan, reaching back with such a desire, a fullness of wanting that child, of having waited so long.

I do not understand so much. I do not understand how Eric and Briana's separation from Kate will ever be okay. It is temporary, but right now it feels oh so long. However, I do have a particle of faith that someday, somehow, it will be okay. And all those children who have been longed for in a way no person could ever describe through words, their spirits will return to their perfected bodies. And Kate will reach for her Mama and Dad.

Oh how wonderful the Plan of Happiness is. The plan for a family, together forever.

The Most Beautiful Thing

I am not a well traveled man, but I have seen some pretty cool things in my life.  I have canoed down the Snake River enveloped in mist while a Bald Eagle watched me from it’s perch.  I have watched the sunrise from the rocky mountains, and seen it set over the pacific ocean.  I sat in the bead of a truck, in the middle of the Australian outback and watched the stars come out.  The milky-way and the southern cross brilliant splashes of white across an inky canvas.

All of these things were stunning, they all evoked a positive emotional response from me.  Which in this author’s mind is the definition of beauty.  An object or scene might be nice to look at, or amusing, heck it might even be downright gorgeous, but if it doesn’t make you feel and think, then it isn’t beautiful.

So the most beautiful thing under that definition happened this weekend.  A busy saturday morning.  Lots of company, lots of bustling, the rush to get ready for an event.  I walked down my stairs and turned the corner looking into my darkly lit, messy, family room.  In the corner my sister-in-law was on her knees, arms folded, head bowed deeply.  A familiar position for many.  My brother-in-law was seated behind her on the couch, his head deeply bowed as well, with his hands placed on his wife’s head.  Both of their postures somehow conveyed two messages simultaneously.

The first was complete and utter despair and sorrow.  They had delivered a stillborn daughter earlier that week and were minutes away from burying her.  The sorrow radiated from the arched backs and bowed heads.

The second was power.  Many have found that one of the most submissive and humble positions in this life, on your knees, is the most powerful.  Her trust was so powerful and evident in her kneeling and pleading.  His hands laid gently on her head, his bowed, powerfully whispering.  Together they were completing an act of pure faith.

Tears leapt to my eyes, which is sort of a novel experience for me.  I about faced and quickly jogged up the stairs, my chest full of the image which I had only glimpsed.  Few times in my life has an experience effected and affected me so quickly and with such force.    

I've never wanted something so earnestly

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Jo Graduates from Kindergarten

I forgot my camera for the actual graduation program (this is my first kindergartener... didn't actually know it was a graduation!). But I took these pictures as soon as we got home. Be assured, Jo blew me a poison dart kiss when she accepted her diploma. Wish I had a picture of that. 

Danica was Jo's first friend from class and comes to play at least once a week. I'm grateful she's so outgoing and helps Jo make other friends too!

And everyone NEEDED to be in the picture.

Last day of school with Mrs. Miner.

Jo cried just about every day that last week of school. She loved kindergarten and her teacher. Just not the homework. I for one was excited to get a break from 8:30 drop offs each morning! Hooray for summer!

Details

Instead of blowing kisses the way we're all taught... with a flat hand for lift off... Jo's doing it her own way. She kisses her hand, rolls it into a fist with a small opening down the middle, and blows the kiss out through the hole. It's like a poison dart. Poison dart kiss. I love it.

Atticus is incapable of going to the bathroom without dropping to all fours and doing an animal run. He just  did it again. Only this time instead of running he did some sort of rabbit/kangaroo jump. All the way down the hall. Think of what a social outcast he'll be if he never out grows this. 30 years old. Church. Work. Everywhere. Running on all fours to the bathroom. Oh please bless.

Margaret is no respecter of persons when it comes to cuddling. She latches on to people and drowns them in her snuggles. Sometimes her kisses get a little more intimate than I'm comfortable with. But the stage is sweet.

For such a beautiful little baby Abigail is scary. I call her the "Scary Voice Baby" (It's like a super villain). EVERYONE comments on her growls. And she's got that deep laugh. So unexpected every time. She also keeps her feet up by her ears when shes relaxing. Because that's comfortable....

More kid stuffs (Hey, they are my life after all) and my attempt at using Andrew language correctly.

When I was pregnant with Tic the two names we debated between were Calvin (Calvin and Hobbes) and Atticus (from To Kill a Mockingbird). We chose the character we hoped our little boy would one day admire and try to be like. But right now the first name seems much more appropriate. LOL

So one of Ryan's sweet co-workers found a pattern online and made Atticus a little friend named Hobbes.

And they are indeed friends. It's a BROMANCE. You might not understand.

Posed and Adorable as always (except often between the hours of 7 and 8 PM...)

The Ab-i-dale on her totes adorbs (ha ha. ha ha ha ha!) quilt made by her Grandma Hoffman.

About 8 months.

Mag-a-dale Mag-a-dale in a dish.

We love her too much baby. She's cra cra. (seriously though, she is actually insane.)

Jo as "Mulan."

Besties for life.

One afternoon Jo pulled out her birthday gift from Grandma Strong- a stuffed animal maker. It might have been her FAV gift ever received. Nailed it!

Being an EXTREMELY sweet sister, as always (literally always, even between the hours of 7 and 8) she let Atticus make one of the two animals. Like a BOSS!

She named her Unicorn Banilla Ice Cream.

And she loves it. It is her new sleep buddy.

Tic also adores his new doggie, Clues Clues.

 

They dress up every day. This crew of pirates attacked shortly after lunch. So terrifying. YOLO.

Some serious bath time. It was EPIC.

I was going to use "LMAO" but .... cursing peeps... I don't usually do that... and that ain't none of your brosness! (Did that one work?!? Bit of a stretch?)