We found this the other day in an old notebook and laughed our heads off. Not that you will necessarily. It was just funny remembering everything that inspired us at that time. Read at your own risk- It's a little surprising, even for the internet.
Chapter 1
Pocatello is a land north of us about 22 hours. In Pocatello live 4 rockstars we southerners like to call "The Buffest of the Buff." They rock. Both musically and eternally. And I have decided to become one. Doing so will require learning to rock (both musically and eternally), getting buff, running away from home, killing one of "The Buffest of the Buff", and ultimately escaping imprisonment. Am I capable? Not a chance. Will I become so? Most definitely.
My name is... no I can't tell you that yet. Suffice it to say it's awesome (as am I). It's time to get organized.
Training Skedyou'll
1.
50, 20, 3 pushups each morning
2. Only eat
oatmeal wheeties for Breakfast
3. Run 2 miles each day... about. Maybe every few days or once a week - just start moving those legs.
4. Study the art of law
with a peer reviewed lawyer by watching judge Judy on channel 9.
5. Choose a good weapon
*these are more like guidelines than an actual said u ale.
I'm really hoping Bert, my best friend, will train with me. Not that he'll come with me in the end - no room and he's just not trustworthy. Like, I'd pretend fight ninjas with Bert but not REALLY fight ninjas with him. Not taking any chances. However, I could seriously use his kick-A physical endurance and T.V. for training.
One major obstacle I will have to overcome as far as training is concerned, is Mags: my younger sister. She's just about the best little sister I know of, but Mom makes her tag along a lot and she will slow me down. I've thought about this a lot and even thought about asking Bert about it. He doesn't like his little sister though so he wouldn't be much help. Guess I'll follow my Mom's advice (again) and make a list.
Ways to (kindly) get Rid of Mags
1. Buy her a new doll (no cash) - lose win
2. Lock her in my room and climb out the window. - win lose
3. Make Jo (my older sister) come with me and carry mags in her penguin backpack the entire 22 hours. Me- no responsibility, Mags- great sight seeing, Jo- hey, she gets to hang out with her little (ehem... YOUNGER) brother and little sister for 22 hours (44 round trip!) win win win
I don't like option 3, Jo's intimidating intellect makes her a tough sister to manipulate. With Mags it's easy, a game, some candy, threaten her doll, piece of cake. None of that works with Jo. I'm gonna put this on the back burner. Maybe I'll get some insight through my training. Well, thanks for listening, Rhino, but I gotta get training.
Chapter 2
Day 1:
This morning I got up early, did 3 push ups, ran 2 miles around the block (that's a lot of times running round), sat myself down in front of Miss Judy with a large bowl of wheaties and ate my heart out. I also faked sick from school so I could lay in bed all day contemplating weapons and future manipulations. FALSE.
What I actually did:
Slept in until Mom shook me out of bed. Got dressed and was too tired to credibly fake sick. In the kitchen Jo was already eating some sugary confection cereal. I got out the wheaties and looked at the basketball player on the front while I ate the cereal that turns my milk purple.
It was totally worth it.
Except that now I'm having these guilt "issues" and wondering if I'm truly ambitious enough for my original goal. Most days I feel complete if I just body slam someone local. Sometimes I even say "You complete me!" as I ram them. It's totally funny. Til Dad finds out. Anyway, rhino, if you've got a voice I could seriously use some A-rocking advisitory. thanks. And I've decided my teeth cold be an acceptable form of weaponry. If I still go. But I might not. but I might.
Chapter 3
It's the end of school, I rammed 3 people. I'm totally back on track. I go straight to Bert's house and call Mom (shoulda put that on my list). No Mags for my first day of training.
"why you got a notebook?" Bert asks as we sit down to watch cartoons. Bert's Mom is not my Mom but she makes a wicked chocolate milk.
Unfortunately they're all out. I settle for tang.
"don't worry about it." Me
"Dude - don't be weird." Him
"It's just homework, okay." Me
"Right - like you brought your homework over." Him
"Okay - it's my super detailed plan for annihilating every enemy alien currently on planet earth." I have to specify "enemy" because Bert fully believes 2 things.
Thing 1: There are aliens on this planet.
Thing 2: A few will one day be his friend and help him rule over... well everything.
"Really? Let me see them."
"Not a chance. We both know I don't like you that much." We both laugh but I'm being truthful- and we also both know that. "It also contains my training for doing the annihilation. I was wondering if you'd care to join me."
"Yes- anything - I'll do it!" He's practically slobbering. "What I mean to say is - if the cause is justice I'll help in anyway I can." He slightly bows. Bert's weird.
"Great. You can help by lending me your big screen."
Our first training session went pretty good. We did research for a good two hours. After four shows I had a good page of notes, including a few weapon ideas but mostly they were discarded, like so.
-Batman uses a boomerang! I think I would look dorky using a boomerang. Batman can use one because he is supremely cool.
-Webs/Spiderman. Where would I get them? I'm not sure they exist.
I think Jo found out my plans. She's been blasting my record of "The buffest of the buff" since school got out. About every 10 minutes she pokes me in the head and says, "Have you ever thought of becoming on eof these guys?" And then laughs. She might be mocking me.
Something you've probably been wondering about, Rhino, are my music abilities. I've got them. I don't know if you'd call my singing melodious per say, but it is loud and buff and totally rockin.
As proof I'm gonna leave you now and go to my guitar practice. And a side note: I would like to quote my teacher. He said he's never had a student who plays like I do!
