Yesterday

I'm grateful for yesterday. We spent a good portion of the day outside- first in our backyard and then on a walk around the block. The sun was warm and our spirits were high.

I'm grateful to Ryan for rushing home from work so I could go visit 95 year-old Grandpa at the care center. I'm grateful for the Spirit which prompted me to go and not wait.

I'm grateful for the hour and a half I had with him. He was asleep. Sometimes he'd call out for "Norma" or "Bill" but always stayed asleep. I was able to speak to him in a way that I never could before. I think because Grandpa always had poor hearing I was nervous to talk to him. But now with him asleep, and feeling that this was the last time I would sit with him in this life- I was able to gush. And I did. I told him I loved him, that I was grateful he was my Grandpa, that I was grateful I got to be a small witness of his life. He lived a life of honor and service.

If I had to describe Grandpa with one word it would be honor.

I opened up the book he'd written which my Mother and Grandmother put together. I looked at the pictures and read a little. Grandpa was born in 1917 and was brought home from the hospital to a one bedroom shack. He lived almost 100 years. I pondered on how much he had seen in the last 100 years, and how much wisdom he possessed. And I mourned losing that wisdom- I mourned for the whole world losing such a man.

Ironically at the nurses station just outside his door I could hear Family Fued playing. The prompt was "ways to improve sex." Various answers were given... install a pole... become swingers... etc.

And once again I mourned the loss of this honorable man for the world.

For some reason it was very hard to leave, to say my final good-bye. Even though I've wanted him to pass for so long- when I was in that moment it was difficult to face death. I've never really known anyone who's passed away. And I love Grandpa. And something in me ached for him to not be parted from me.

I'm grateful I did say good-bye, and kissed him many times.

Last night at 8:30 P.M. Grandpa died, 4 hours after I'd said good-bye. I'm grateful I was prompted to go to the center. And I'm grateful Grandpa was able to pass away with the love of his life in the room.

I went back over to the center to support Grandma, and to feel the moment as much as possible. I stayed until the men in suits came to wheel his body away to the mortuary.

I'm grateful they wore suits.

And I'm grateful they brought a pillow for his head.

Jo asked Ryan last night, "Why is dying apart of Jesus's plan?" The thing I was the most grateful for yesterday was knowing the answer to that question. I know there is a plan for us and I know death is an important part of that plan. I know that Jesus Christ broke the bands of death and brought forth the resurrection- which gives me such comfort. I am grateful for the beautiful plan of happiness. I am grateful to know Grandpa is home.